An Ancestor I Admire

        My mom has been on my mind quite a bit lately, and I am taking that as my inspiration to write about her this week. Mom (Dorothy Mae Harley) was born in 1918, in the same bed her mother was born in. She used to repeat that line to me often. Dot, as she was called, was born in Philadelphia, PA. to Clarence Wilbur Harley and Florence Koetzle Harley. Her parents were married in 1913 in Philly. They were 25 and 24 respectively, when they married. 

Mom in August 1922. She was 4 years old

Mom (Dot) was their second child, but she grew up as an only child because her older sister, Florence Elizabeth, born Jan 28, 1915, lived only three days, dying as a result of a kidney issue and eclampsia, as stated on the death certificate.

A quick timeline: In 1919, when Mom had just turned one year old, her family moved from Philly to Atlantic City, NJ, where she would then grow up, graduate high school, work as a secretary, meet her future husband during WWII, get married in 1943, have 3 kids, relocate to northern NJ, have one more kid, then retire with her husband (my dad) and youngest child to western NC in the mid-1970’s. In 1980 her youngest child died in an auto accident, then in 1991 she lost her husband, the love of her life. But she lived another 26 years after that, until passing at age 99.

Mom, with Carol (l) and Jim (r) about 1951 on boardwalk in Atlantic City

So those are the facts, but facts are only the backdrop to her incredible life. She was a strong woman, because in many ways she had to be. Her teenage years were lived during the Depression in the 1930’s. As she often said “times were tough, but she and her parents did what they had to do to survive.” Her dreams of going to college were dashed during this decade, because there was no money to send her to college. Instead, she changed course, and finished high school taking secretarial classes, thereby landing an excellent secretarial job for the managers of the Haddon Hall on the boardwalk. This was a few years before WWII started.

While she and Dad raised us kids, she also had a job as a school secretary. She worked hard, as did my dad, to give us a good home. She had to deal with the loss of her mom, and many of her beloved aunts and uncles during this time. And she and dad took in her dad to live with us. I certainly never appreciated all that she did when I was growing up. 

        But her strength truly became evident to me after my dad died. She was 73 then, in good health, and managed very well to live in their beautiful home for another two years. Then she decided it was time to move to a smaller place. And she did! With some help, she found a new place to live, cleaned out all the accumulated life possessions that she wouldn’t have room for, and just did it!  While in her new home in a retirement community she served as president of their board, even though she told me she was scared to death of the responsibility. I give her so much credit for this. 

Mom, about age 78, at Heritage Hills

After a few years, she decided to move again, realizing that her best option for living out the rest of her days was to be in a place where the option for assisted living and nursing home care would be available for her as long as she needed it. And wow, did she make a great choice. And she handled everything, too. Of course family and friends, especially my brother Bob, who lived the closest, helped a lot with this move. In her early 80’s she moved into Carolina Village, in a very nice apartment, with lots of people, meals and socializing. She lived in this complex until she passed at age 99. 

Mom, just before a cruise on Lake of the Ozarks

Mom was fun! She loved to play cards, particularly bridge, but any card game would do. She went on lots of trips, many sponsored by the places where she lived. Three trips come to mind: she went on a fossil dig, traveled to Prince Edward Island, took a two week trip to New Zeland (thanks for the reminder, Jim), and even went river rafting in Canada. And of course I need to mention that to celebrate her 80th birthday, she took us all on a Caribbean cruise. Simply amazing!

River rafting, maybe in Canada

She also was a true Christian woman. She attended church and sang in the church choir for as long as I can remember. I recall a year or two before she passed, she insisted that I go with her to visit the minister of her church, so we could meet and plan out her funeral service, including hymns and Bible verses.  She even made a request for the food the church ladies would serve, although the minister said he had no control over that! 

Dot also believed in giving back. She liked to help others. I’m sure there are many more things she did in this regard that I don’t remember, but a couple things I do remember. She actually learned Braille, so she could teach it to others. And I believe she also helped school children with their reading skills. She enjoyed these activities very much! 

 

I’d like to close this out with a memory I have of her when I was a child. Mom always made sure that that we children said our prayers before we went to sleep. I would kneel by the bed, with her by my side. We would thank God for this day, say whatever else came to mind, but always end with the list of family and friends,  and ask God to bless them all. And now I say a prayer every night thanking her for providing us with such an excellent role model on how to live your life. Thanks Mom!

Mom, 99th birthday